Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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