Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
