worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
