it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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