Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
