It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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