Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
