Christians are straight up FREAKS
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
