your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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