I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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