I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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