When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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