:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
