She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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