ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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