I am puke
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
