I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize