Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
