Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
