you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
