I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
