Umm I'm too high to move.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
