Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
