Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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