i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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