There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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