At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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