I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this boner is exhausting
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
