Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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