Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
