I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
