Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
