What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
