i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
