wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
