How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
