Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
