My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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