maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize