I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
