"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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