You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
