i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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