I want to have your abortion
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
