I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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