Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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