and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
