as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
