I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
