end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he fucked my hip out of place.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
