Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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