We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
