I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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