The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
