I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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