its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
