So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
