Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
