I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
