So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You smell like stripper and shame
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
