My hair reeks of homosexuality.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
