dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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