Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
