I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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