im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A bitchslap is in order.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
