i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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