lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You can't motorboat a personality
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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