My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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