so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
