im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize