I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
