You're completely useless in the revolution.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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