i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
