first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize