Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
